38. Happiness Blockers#2 - Negative Thoughts About Other People

Have you ever wondered how our negative thoughts about others could be quietly sabotaging our own happiness? Today I wanted to discuss how our judgements of other people often mirror our own unresolved issues and insecurities, and why letting go of negativity can pave the way for a more fulfilling and joyful life. Reflecting on my own journey, I reveal the importance of understanding over criticism, and how this shift has profoundly impacted my well-being.

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Transcript

The Impact of Negative Thoughts

Speaker 1 0:11

Welcome to the High Vibe Guide , the podcast where I demystify the concept of raising our vibration . I'm Jenna , a yoga teacher , mum of three and passionate advocate for helping others to just feel happier . Let me explain to you how we can all live more contented and fulfilled lives and how it's so much easier than you think . Hello , beautiful people , and welcome back to the High Vibe Guide . Beautiful people and welcome back to the High Vibe Guide . Today I want to go into another topic in my little mini series of happiness blockers , and today may be a little controversial . I'm not sure it may bring about some real questions about freedom of thought . The topic is negative thoughts about other people , possessing these in your mind . Now I've come to the belief that , even if you are mindful of using kind words and behaving respectfully towards others , I don't think it's always enough . Those silent judgments , the criticisms and the negative thoughts that we have about others can drag down our own energy and ultimately block more happiness from coming into our lives . Block more happiness from coming into our lives . So why do I think it's such a big deal ? Let me break it down for you . Let me talk about the impact of negative thoughts about others on ourselves . So when we hold negative thoughts about someone else , whether it's about their behaviour , their choices or a situation they're in , what's really happening is that we are projecting our own unresolved issues onto them or onto the situation . Whatever we find irritating or triggering in someone else is often a mirror of something going on within us . It's rarely about the other person . This may not sit well when you first hear this , or you may disagree completely . I felt the exact same way too , but hear me out , because you see the qualities or the situations that provoke these negative thoughts in us . It usually reflects areas of our own life where we might feel insecure , unhappy or unfulfilled . Maybe maybe that person embodies something that we wish we had , or maybe they remind us of something we haven't healed within ourselves . And this is most likely happening all under the surface , extremely under the surface . So we may have these negative thoughts and opinions about someone , but we aren't a hundred% sure why we feel them so strongly . And then we just put it all on the other person and they're the reason for these thoughts in our heads .

Speaker 1 3:37

But I have come to learn that negative thinking in these cases is essentially a projection of our inner struggles and therefore I think it is not our place to think negatively about others , and one big reason for this is that we never have the full picture . When we think negatively about others , we never have all the information . When we think negatively about others , we never have all the information as much as we think we do . I don't believe that you can truly walk a mile in someone else's shoes , because even if we think we understand their circumstances , we can never fully relate to another person Because we haven't lived their exact experiences or felt their exact emotions . The life they've led , the challenges they face and the thoughts they've had are entirely unique to them . So forming judgements or holding negative thoughts about others isn't only unfair , but it's fundamentally flawed . It's like trying to solve a puzzle with missing pieces . You will never get the full picture .

Speaker 1 4:53

And when we can learn to acknowledge that , it becomes really crystal clear that we have no right to form negative opinions about someone else's life or their choices . And when this clicked for me , it completely changed my way of thinking about other people . And when you start to pay attention , there is always gossip around us , opinions and views being passed from person to person , and I'm actually in a place now when I might hear a piece of gossip about someone else , when the old me might have responded something like no way , how could that person do that ? What a bitch , what an awful person . Can you even imagine doing something like that ? Let's actually break down what's going on here , what you're actually doing here , because with this response you're instantly saying that you actually believe you're a better person than them , that if you were in that situation you would never behave the way they did . But , guys , the fact is , you can never put yourselves in their situation . You can never say I would never do that if I was them , because you aren't them and therefore it is not possible to live the life that they have lived without becoming that person . And you can't do that . You have absolutely no idea what this person's life looks like now , what it has looked like from start to finish , and you're completely unaware of all the thoughts , the beliefs , the feelings , the experiences this person has been through and has possessed . So how could you form a valid opinion on their actions ? So now , when I'm in that situation and someone says God , you'll never guess what so-and-so has just done this , can you believe it ?

Speaker 1 6:59

I've somehow managed to come closer and closer to a much more compassionate place where my thoughts kind of go hmm , I wonder what's going on there . What might that person's life look like now , or have looked like at any time , which would lead to that decision or that situation ? It's much more compassionate . It may sound much more removed , but it's not it , because it comes with compassion and a much more open-mindedness . I'm much more open to the fact that I do have zero right to judge , no matter how awful that thing may appear initially . And it's much harder to feel this way , especially when it's been directed at you , if someone said or acted in a horrible way towards you . And this , unfortunately , is how I managed to learn and I'll be perfectly honest , this is a topic I'm choosing to keep private on the high vibe guide for now , at least the details , as I've come to realize , I'm still actually healing from it . I still got a lot to unpack .

Speaker 1 8:14

But to give you a very kind of brief , high level overview , quite some time ago I had a really horrible falling out with a friend , and this person was a really good friend at the time , one of my best friends and she had decided that she didn't like something I'd done . She didn't like the way I dealt with a specific situation , a tricky , delicate situation , but I was doing my best with the resources that I had available at the time and I'm more talking about my emotional resources , really but one day she suddenly exploded at me and said some very unkind things , the kind of things that you can't ever really take back . I think there's a level or a line , and that line will be different for everyone and different for every friendship or relationship , but once it's crossed it's extremely difficult to come back from , and for me that line was crossed , but unfortunately I didn't have the self-worth or self-esteem at that time to set proper boundaries . But I remember , after she had said these things to me , I remember saying how could you say that to me ? How could you think that ? And she responded with I'm allowed to have my own opinion . And I said something like , yeah , but you don't have the right to judge me in this way . And she said , yes , I do . I can have any opinion I like and I can judge you if I want to , and even though that's perfectly true , she has . I can judge you if I want to and even though that's perfectly true , she has the right to think anything she wants to .

Speaker 1 10:05

But that was almost harder to hear for me than the awful things that she said initially , because it just felt so unfair . There was nothing I could do . I felt helpless and knowing that someone had these opinions of me , let alone someone who I considered a best friend , it just felt so unjust and she had no interest in hearing my side of things . The way she wanted the conversation to go was she felt she deserved to force her opinion and judgment upon me and I had to sit and listen and accept it . And I wasn't aware of this at the time . But that conversation that day cut out a huge chunk of my already pretty low self-esteem and it would shape a pretty miserable future for myself over the next few years .

Speaker 1 11:02

And I mean I'm very happy to say right now that I'm in a very different place . I can look back on this situation now and I know that if I was in a healthier emotional place I would have behaved differently . I can understand why she said the things she did , but I know now that I don't accept them and I can see now , with the benefit of hindsight , a little bit more personal growth . I can see now that she looked at the facts in front of her , and she had then projected a lot of her own personal stuff onto me . Through them she had a very fixed mindset on the subject of what had happened and how I'd behaved and why I'd done the things I'd done , and to protect her own beliefs . This was the conversation she had to have with me .

Speaker 1 11:52

Now , I didn't mean to digress quite so much there , but I just wanted to demonstrate that when you do have these really strong opinions or negative emotions about someone else and a situation , I can guarantee you it is never fully as it seems or as you think it seems . As it seems or as you think it seems , you will be tying up so much of your own stuff in there that you do not know about , and it's really unfair to project that onto someone else . It's the easier option , isn't it ? But it doesn't mean that it's right . So remember , no matter how many details you have on a situation or what a person's done , no matter how well you know the person , no matter how involved you are in the situation or how close it may be , or how close you may be to the person or the situation , you will still never have the full picture and therefore will never possess the right to form a negative opinion about someone else .

Speaker 1 13:04

But before I keep going down this rabbit hole , let's talk about what even possessing these negative thoughts , what effect this has on us ? What does it do to us ? When we have these negative thoughts in our brains ? How does it affect the vibrational level that we operate on ? So , if you think on an energetic level , negative thinking weighs us down , it lowers our vibration and it affects our mood , our complete outlook on life and our ability to manifest happiness .

Shifting to Positive Mindset Techniques

Speaker 1 13:42

Thoughts have power , and when we direct negative energy towards others , even if it's just in our own mind , we're not just impacting them , but we're also harming ourselves . So by holding on to judgment , resentment or criticism , we're essentially poisoning our own mindset . We block the flow of positive energy that brings us any peace and joy . So the more negativity that we , that we harbour , the less room there is for the good stuff , for the gratitude , the love , the compassion , both for ourselves and others . So how do we stop having negative thoughts about other people ? How do we stop this cycle ? But that's what it is . It's a cycle of negative thinking towards others . Our brain is a form of habits , remember and patterns that we've built over a lifetime .

Speaker 1 14:46

Now I've had a think about how we can start to change this way of thinking and how I've done it over the last couple of years , and here are a few techniques to shift that mindset . First one as always , guys , it's awareness . Awareness is key . The first step is to notice when you are having a negative thought about someone else . Catch yourself in the moment and ask why am I thinking this ? Is it really about them or is it reflecting something within me , something unresolved within me ? Just shed some light , some awareness , to the thoughts and do it without any judgment . Okay , don't sit there thinking you're an awful person for having a bad thought about someone else . We're human . Just bring that little bit of awareness .

Speaker 1 15:40

Number two practice compassion . Whenever you catch a negative thought , try to replace it with some compassion . Remind yourself that everyone is dealing with their own struggles and that we all have moments where we don't show up as our best selves , don't we ? Let's face it . And when we choose compassion over judgment , we raise our own vibration . Next , shift the focus inward . So when you find yourself being critical of someone else , turn that reflection inwards . Ask yourself what is this situation teaching me about myself . This is a super powerful question to ask yourself , because in every negative thought we hold about someone else , there is always a lesson to be learned internally . It's not about the other person ever . Often you'll find that it's revealing an insecurity or a fear within you . Once you identify that , you can start to gently work with it .

Speaker 1 16:51

Next one gratitude . Gratitude . Cultivate a mindset of gratitude by constantly thinking of something positive about that person or about the situation . And look , you don't have to agree with everything someone does of course you don't . When we focus on a positive trait , that can help dissolve the negativity , enables us to look at the bigger picture , enables us to get into that compassionate mindset . So , gratitude , think about something positive about the person that maybe you appreciate . And lastly , if you're really keen to get out of that mindset , if you have found once you've kind of kicked up that level of awareness , if you have found that you're having quite a few negative thoughts about other people , then maybe you'd like to try some mindfulness meditation , some mindfulness meditation , especially the kind of meditation where we practice loving kindness towards ourselves and to other people . A loving kindness meditation is a really powerful tool to shift your thinking because during these meditations , you're focusing on sending love and goodwill to others , and this trains our minds to see people in a more positive , compassionate light . Because if you're in the default of always looking at the negative in other people , that really means you're in a default of looking negatively inwards . It's your stuff reflected out . If you automatically look at the bad stuff in people first , it's a reflection on what's going on within you .

Speaker 1 18:46

Okay , so why should you make the effort to stop these negative thoughts ? Why does this benefit you of getting out of this mindset of holding negative opinions or thoughts about other people ? Here is the beautiful part , guys when you let go of judgment and negative thinking , your mind becomes lighter and your mood lifts . And your mood lifts . You'll find that the space that once occupied all this negative energy it can now be filled with good stuff , with positivity , with gratitude and inner peace . And how nice is that , how much lovelier is that ? So much nicer . And when you manage to stop projecting your issues onto others , you begin to heal those parts of yourself that need attention Because that's what this is really all about and , as a result , your own self-worth and happiness naturally increases . You'll feel less weighed down by comparison , by envy or judgment and you'll feel more aligned with joy , success and compassion . In fact , this mental shift is one of the biggest keys to unlocking long-term happiness , if you ask me .

Speaker 1 20:18

But remember , we don't have the right or the full understanding to think negatively about others , no matter how trivial or seemingly impactful that thing might be . And I know that's really hard , especially if you've dealt with something directly from another person . I know that can be really hard . Trust me , I know how challenging it is . But all we're really doing is projecting our own unresolved issues . If you can tune into that part of you that knows your truth , you can look at someone , even if they are delivering the nastiest words to you . You can look at them and you can see it for what it is . It's not you In most part , it's probably their own issues they're projecting onto you .

Speaker 1 21:16

So we need to get used to shifting our perspective to compassion and kindness , whether they're whether a person has done or said something or created a situation you don't agree with or they're directing something horrible towards you . If you can shift your perspective to compassion and kindness , we are lifting our own vibration and we're allowing ourselves to experience more happiness . Remember , happiness comes from within . We cannot place it on other people vibration and we're allowing ourselves to experience more happiness . Remember , happiness comes from within . We cannot place it on other people , and as you begin to let go of these negative thoughts , you will see just how much lighter , freer and more fulfilled you feel in your own life . You feel in your own life .

Speaker 1 22:18

So that's my second little episode on happiness blockers . I'm kind of choosing them as they come , the ones that really resonate , and these two in this little mini series are the first two that have resonated the most with me , the ones that I feel make the most impact to my mindset and my daily happiness . If you have anything in particular you would like to talk about , as always , please get in touch with me . Maybe I can add them on to the mini series and discuss them in another episode . But thank you so much for joining me today

Embracing Positive Mindset Growth

Speaker 1 22:55

on the High Vibe Guide .

Speaker 1 22:55

I want to continue learning , to grow , to lift up myself and others and cultivate this mindset that serves my highest self , and that's exactly what I want to help you guys do too . So until next time , keep your vibration high and your heart open . Thanks , guys . Thank you all so much for tuning in . If you enjoyed today's episode , please share with your friends and family to continue spreading that positivity . You can find me on Instagram at thehighvibeguide . Get in touch . I would love to hear from you . Thank you all so much for listening and I'll see you back here next time at the High Vibe Guide .