The High Vibe Guide
You can feel happier! You can feel more positive, and it's so much easier than you think.
Whether you're a seasoned venturer or just starting out on your journey to radiating a more positive energy, my episodes will provide a wealth of inspiration, tools and wisdom to guide you in creating a more vibrant and positive life. It is possible. I have lived and breathed this journey. Let me explain how you can do it too.
The High Vibe Guide
48. Rebirth: Which Parts of You Need to Die? My Chat with Aluna Wellbeing
What if the secret to true personal growth lies in saying goodbye to certain parts of ourselves? Join me as I sit down with the insightful Jules, founder of Aluna Wellbeing, to explore this transformative concept. Jules shares her journey towards nurturing a positive relationship with her body, challenging the belief that change is impossible.
Our conversation takes a deeper turn as we peel back layers of identity and explore the essence of who we truly are, where we ponder the liberation found in shedding societal labels. From the magic of childhood to the pressures of adulthood, we reflect on the challenges of maintaining authenticity amid life's transitions. As we journey through self-acceptance and personal growth, we embrace the power of gratitude, trust in life's flow, and the freedom that comes with being our true selves.
Join us for this enlightening episode as we uncover the beauty of embracing our authentic journey.
Discover more about Aluna Wellbeing:
https://www.alunawellbeing.co.uk/
@aluna.wellbeing
Welcome to the High Vibe Guide, the podcast where I demystify the concept of raising our vibration. I'm Jenna, a yoga teacher, mum of three and passionate advocate for helping others to just feel happier. Let me explain to you how we can all live more contented and fulfilled lives, and how it's so much easier than you think.
Speaker 2:Hello everybody, welcome back to the High Vibe Guide. How are you all doing today? I hope you are well. You've landed on a good episode. I think you're meant to be here for a reason, guys, if you clicked on this one.
Speaker 2:I have such an incredible guest joining me today. This is my friend, jules, the founder of Aluna Wellbeing. She's based here in Shrewsbury, near me. She is a very talented personal trainer and coach, with this immense passion for promoting body positivity, confidence within women mainly and helping people create more fulfillment, contentment and happiness in their lives All the vibes that we're here for on this podcast. So from the moment I was introduced to her, I just knew I had to get her on the podcast for a chat.
Speaker 2:Her approach to wellbeing is so inspiring, blending physical health with this deep focus on self-love and mindset. But the best part about Jules is you do not have to be based in Shrewsbury to work with her. Like myself, she offers online coaching as well. I'm going to be sharing her Instagram and her website in the show notes, so do be sure to check out this amazing woman after listening to today's chat. But for now, grab a drink, settle in and enjoy this high vibe conversation with the amazing Jules of Aluna Wellbeing, where we discuss the topic of letting go of certain parts of ourselves in order to become who we want to be. Enjoy, jules. Hi, hi, jules, welcome to the High Vibe Guide.
Speaker 2:It feels odd because I normally do guest interviews or guest podcast episodes over google meets or something so we're sitting nestled on my sofa right now in my half decorated christmasy kind of living room with boxes of decoration everywhere. But, jules, me and you, I feel like we're new friends. Yeah, we've only really met recently. I've always known about you through mutual friends. I've always spoken how amazing you are. I never made the connection. I was like oh, that's her.
Speaker 2:It's kind of like the universe spoke to us, isn't it? I I think the universe. Come on, you two just sit down have coffee that is very true. Yeah, but we had a coffee because I felt there was just didn't know what, but I felt there was something that we could collaborate on. And I think there's still something in the future we can collaborate on. Don't know what it is yet.
Speaker 2:I agree yeah, no idea what it is, but I think there's definitely something there. But I think when we had our little chat in Costa, we we just agreed on so much and I we're quite in a similar place-ish in the fact that we're we're growing.
Speaker 2:Yes, personally yes, exponentially yes, spiritually, all the growth I think is happening and we just found we've just, you know, when you're saying something and the other person starts smiling and nodding, they're like yes. I was like there's just so many synchronicities here, and when I got thinking about what I wanted to chat about today for everyone listening, something I feel we really touched on last time, but didn't quite go into enough, was the parts of ourselves that we've had to let go of say goodbye.
Speaker 2:Let die a very painful kind of death in order to be who we are today, but also what we're continuing to let go of, to be the people we want to become. Yeah, because I think you hear it quite a lot, don't you? People don't really change, you can't really change. And I really don't believe that at all, because I think, naturally, even if you're not trying to change, like who I am now, compared to who I was five years ago or 10 years ago, I'm completely different, I feel, without even trying or being aware of it you know.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think the point is to change.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think everything's always changing, but people are always changing. But I think also, if that happens without you really changing, with just you moving through life, growing older, what happens when you actually want to make change in your life? I think serious stuff can happen. But it's almost like the bigger the change that you want to see in your life outside of you, the bigger the change needs to be inside, within you, because people can look and think I want my life to change. They might look into manifestation, all this kind of stuff and vision boards and goal setting without realizing that the work is really inside. Yeah, so what made me think about talking about this topic with you this kind of letting go of stuff to be reborn, if you like was when we were speaking about body positivity and how we both used to struggle. Yeah, so, to lead into this, why don't you tell us about what you do and what your kind of message is?
Speaker 3:Oh, this could be large, okay, so ultimately, and it is born out of my own experiences, so I probably will share that as well at some point, because I think it's important.
Speaker 3:But ultimately, I work with women to find a relationship with their bodies through exercise and through fitness that feels nourishing instead of punishing. Um, because a lot of us have this relationship with exercise that it's not for us or the only way. The only reason to do it is to manipulate how your body looks or when you want to lose some weight, and I still get people say that they are working with a personal trainer and they'll go oh, like. The assumption is that it's about weight loss or it's about changing their body or they're not happy with their body. But actually what I do instead is we use it to show women that they can be happy in their body, regardless of how it looks, but it's about how it moves and how it functions and how resilient it is and how strong they are. And then they take those little lessons in the gym and apply them to the rest of their lives.
Speaker 2:So they become stronger and more resilient and more confident in everything yeah, and I love that because I remember our mutual friend, live beautiful, live she. I remember she told me ages ago, like she's trained with you for a while, that you're so different in the way that you work with your clients because and you told me this recently when you, before you start a session, you check in with them how you doing today. Yeah, where's your energy? Where are you at in your cycle, all of these things? You know so and I think that's such a huge, hugely important thing. We just don't look at now.
Speaker 3:No, and I think often like I try and start my classes as well with like how are you? Today like ask yourself how you are, because we don't. We get up and we start to do all of the things, but we're not actually being in our bodies yeah, I think the minute you start to wake up and ask yourself how you are, and what you need is the beginning of being able to put whatever it is that you need in place or if you don't know what it is starting to figure that out as well but I think you're also really kind of shaking up.
Speaker 2:It's not even shaking up or revolutionizing what a pt is, because people think they know what a pt is. Because you go into a gym and you see the young guys and girls doing their training sessions on the gym floor and and I'm not saying this in a bad way, because but they, they think that's all it's about as well, a lot of them, um, and it's very no pain, no gain. It's kind of we do this to get.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we do this to burn off the weekend's calories. Honestly, we do it for the six-pack abs. And yeah, I've been in my sister who's a pt. She's been here before, have been in consultations with pts and it's always around your weight and you're not even talking about it. No, sam was even in a conversation with a pt saying that's not my focus right now weight loss and he still kept bringing the conversation back to it.
Speaker 3:That's quite common as well, I think. And then and then for people who are in a bigger, a fat body yeah it's normal.
Speaker 3:It's usually an assumption yes, that's what they want, whereas if someone comes to me and says they want to lose weight, the first thing I will do is say that's great, but I won't be asking you for any sort of measurement of that. So if you want to monitor that in the background because that's important to you, that's fine, but I won't be asking you for any sort of measurement of that. So if you want to monitor that in the background because that's important to you, that's fine, but I won't celebrate it with you. I will celebrate everything else.
Speaker 3:That we do together along the way, because if that is something that somebody wants to do, I'm not a person to judge that, but it's also they've got to do it for themselves, not for the pat on the head from me.
Speaker 2:Yes, 100% from me. Yes, 100, because I think 10 years ago if I was in a pt consultation with you wanting to get a trainer and you said that to me, I'd be like, oh, I feel really uncomfortable, like, well, I'm not working with her, this is not me, we are not vibing. But now 100, I'd be all over that and, I think, leading nicely into the part of us that we spoke about before, that had to die to get to this point, for this hugely, just so much more expansive view of exercise and food and how we feel in our bodies is mainly for me and you might have something else, but I know you agree with me. Something else, but I know you agree with me we both used to have this, that we used to fear what it would be like if, say, we looked a bit heavier and what people would then think of us. It's, I remember that for me that was huge, especially I've had my babies or covid, because that tied in, I had my youngest in covid put on much more weight than I wanted to.
Speaker 2:Same, yeah, um, and kind of integrating back into society was terrifying for me. Yeah, because I was like, what are people gonna think? Because I, unfortunately, because I was so obsessed with my weight. When people would put on weight and I would notice it, I would do it in a bad way, which is I don't like admitting that, no, but it's also the the world that we've grown up in isn't it we've grown up in I mean, even stories on the news about obesity is a is an image of people walking down the street of just their bodies, yeah, without their heads, like well one.
Speaker 3:I don't think they've consented to that, have they? But also, what is the the like? What is the picture, what is the message that? We're learning and it's really judgmental, and so I think we just grew up with that so yeah.
Speaker 3:I totally agree. I think after my first child that's when I had that was the biggest catalyst for me, so that was eight years ago. Um, I didn't know anyone else that had children and I just assumed that everything just popped back to normal and for some people it does, um, but the people I was following on social media went straight back into exercise.
Speaker 3:I loved exercise, so that's what I did, but it became about shrinking my body back and my pelvic floor was horrific at the time, probably made worse by the fact that I went running straight away um, and I wasn't ready for it um, which is what really led me to where I am now and I started it with the postnatal view in mind, because I think it's a very vulnerable time for women around their bodies yeah and I really like to be able to kind of pick people up at that point and be like it's okay and your body bodies change.
Speaker 3:We just don't accept it as a society. Bodies are supposed to change. Yes 100.
Speaker 2:So what else did you feel for you before your kind of wake-up call? It was around when you had your first child. What do you think you had to really let go of in order to hold this for yourself? Also hold it for other people.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's a good um, I don't think I was thinking about other people at the time. Yeah, for myself, I think I haven't realized it until now, but I don't think I equated any of my worth with anything other than my body and being told I was pretty, and no one ever really said like, oh you're thin, are they? Oh, you're thin, we like you because you're thin. Um, but in my head that was the change was like you said you felt people were going to judge you for it. People assume you've let yourself go. Um, they make assumptions about you based on your body, because I had done that to other people as well. I'll hold my hands up to that because I know realm of realising that I got to be a person without really worrying about how I looked.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 3:I get to have a place in the world just because I do. Like I don't have to do anything to earn it.
Speaker 2:I don't have to look a certain way to earn it yeah, don't have to look a certain way to earn it, because I remember thinking that way of thinking was possible and even entertaining the notion that I could feel like that, say 10 years ago, was, no, just not fathomable. I was like, well, no, like how it just didn't even compute, yeah, and I don't think it could be something which could be done overnight or even over a month or a year. It had to kind of integrate really slowly because just the fear, it's something that you've held on to for so long it's an entire belief system that we have been told is black and it is actually all colours.
Speaker 3:Yes, all of it gets to exist.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it really made me think of what other areas in life have we I had to release and let go, because it's a really terrifying experience, especially like, like you just said, everything was about how much I weighed at one point in my life, and that's so sad. But it also shows how the thoughts we have, which create our beliefs and everything else because it's supported by everything else coming in can dominate your life when it's based on utter crap, yeah, when it's not true. You know, thoughts aren't facts. I say this all the time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it dominated my life because I thought that my self-worth was attached to my weight, how I look and I've come on such a long way, but I I still have to fight it. Yeah, I still have to fight it because it's a lifetime of conditioning, but it did. It really got me thinking. This morning I was like, wow, where else have I had to let go of this person? Because it was a really like I said, it was a really long process and at first the fear was we said how can I be happier in a slightly bigger body?
Speaker 3:I mean, I think it's the change that doesn't feel familiar.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's that lack of trust and that wanting to control, because you think this is the control I need in order to be happy, to be valued, to be accepted. But I remember the, just the fear of how do I be happier in my body and not care what everyone else thinks. And I think that was that was it. It was caring what everyone else thought. Yeah, that was the fear. It wasn't really anything else. It was fear of well, everyone else is going to see that I put on weight and they will think less of me I remember my teens thinking that certain boys didn't fancy me because I wasn't skinny and that was
Speaker 2:yeah, I just yeah. But it really made me think where else have I had to go through this fear, go through this letting part of myself go? Because, also, it feels I think it feels difficult in a way, because it's allowing this part of you, the old self, to die. It's quite, it's it feels quite a spiritual way of thinking about it, but it's allowing this old self to die, but allowing this to happen, even when it feels like you're losing a part of who you were. I think that's it. You're losing a part of you because it was so big for such a long time. But, like I said before, it made me think about other areas. So, for me, one thing that I have had to let go of is victimhood. I used to live in victim mindset.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I didn't, and again it's hindsight, a lot of it's hindsight um, I had this conversation this week actually because somebody asked me how I left my teaching job. Yeah, um, because she really deeply does unhappy in her job, and that was one of my answers was I had to start seeing that job as something that I wanted to do before I could even look outside of it and see opportunities. But until I did, I had to stop hating every single day of my life and just start seeing positives yeah, everywhere. That's hard as well, really hard, but also really nice practice to get into. I think once you start teeny tiny, I used to just talk to myself in the car on the way to work and be like I'm grateful for this, I'm grateful for this, but it does like it sounds cheesy, it gets banded around everywhere, but once you start, you just like you just notice how much better it all feels when you start to notice that you're rewiring your brain.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's it's magic and it's the and. With the, the diet thoughts and the diet culture thoughts, it's really hard for me to articulate because obviously there's a whole market of people who aren't ready to listen to me and that's really difficult because I'm I've been banging my head against a brick wall trying to go.
Speaker 3:But just look, I don't know how to get it across to you, but once you stop putting your food into my fitness pal, once you stop worrying about what you're going to eat and when you're going to burn it off, the freedom and the headspace that you've got for other stuff on the other side of that is amazing. Yeah, but you have to learn to let that lie, like you said headspace.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's so true. When you realize how fixated and how much brain space has been taken up with these stupid thoughts, how can that be the meaning of life? It can't be. How can it be the meaning of life what gene size you are and you know what, how long you manage to not have eye wrinkles for? You know, just shit like that.
Speaker 3:I really think it's not, it can't be the meaning of life I think it's easier to notice it like a lot of people agree, embedding it and embodying it is much harder, a hundred percent Much harder.
Speaker 2:It takes, like you said, it takes a long time, it takes some shedding, and I remember that at first it was almost letting in that there might be a different way to do this, but it just takes time. Different way to do this, but it just takes time. So I think that your like niche or people that get drawn to you, probably similar, like they're either at the very beginning yeah, and that's where you can really hold their hand yeah, or they're well established yeah, and they're like I know what I want, I know how I want to approach food and exercise, and they specifically look for personal training, exactly to trigger them back into any old habits and behaviors.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I know what I want, I know how I want to approach food and exercise and they specifically look for a personal trainer who's not going to trigger them back into any old habits and behaviours.
Speaker 2:Talk more about your career change and how you got into this, and also with regards to what you had to let go of.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think actually I was really proud of being a teacher, like really proud. I don't know whether it's because it's a profession like a well-known profession. Um, I hadn't become a teacher straight out of uni, I'd done other things and then I'd gone into it later and I was just very proud of it. So then part of it was having to go and I'm not going to do it anymore. Um, and that was it's just identity, isn't it peeling back the layers of identity of who you think you are? So actually, I don't know if things have died or whether I was always this person, and then all these layers piled on top and now I'm just peeling them off one by one and noticing Jules, you've literally just skipped ahead to what I think the podcast is going to come to at the end is that you're not dying.
Speaker 3:You're realizing what you always were. Yeah, I absolutely think that. Um, I I went sorry, I'm like completely on a tangent here, but I went uh, traveling with my husband, god, in our 20s.
Speaker 3:It was a while ago, um, but I remember it being the first time I felt like I could be authentically 100% myself. And now I feel like I'm coming back to who she was like. I'd had a teaching job that was horrible and I'd had some horrible experiences in it. I possibly had postnatal anxiety after I had Seb. A lot of it was body issues and now I'm coming back to a version of me that I think is probably who I am at the core. I'm just letting her exist letting her be.
Speaker 2:But that's so funny. You're talking about identity, because I think we do. We have so many labels. There's so many people attach their self-worth to or their identity to, and I think it's realizing that we aren't any of them. Yes, there's something else there which is us, which isn't any of those things that we label ourselves, as i've've always had a mate like my friends.
Speaker 3:if they're listening, they would laugh at this. If you try and put me in a box, I hate going in a box To the point that everyone loved. Take that when we were kids and I was like I'm a bit more boy zone, like I would just never follow the trends and I've never been able to do it.
Speaker 2:And I actually thought it was a bad thing. And now I'm like, no, that's gonna fully embrace it. Yeah, because I've got a friend who's always talked to like that, who never especially throughout school and teenage years she never felt she had to, she never succumbed to peer pressure, she didn't give a crap and it was all just like. I'm happy. Just, I was like how? Because I was the complete opposite. I was so consumed by peer pressure and, again, what everyone thought of me, yeah, dominated my school years. It was awful.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so that that just must have been so amazing well, I think it faltered around about the years of child and like where I had that probably a bit of an identity crisis, like I didn't know how I was going to be as a mum. I didn't know, I didn't know what box to sit in as a mum. I was trying to probably trying to put myself in one. Um, yeah, all of that period of my life maybe my early 20s were probably the rockiest time but I definitely remember as a teenager being like I don't follow. I don't follow trends, especially if it was clothes no way am I wearing the same as everybody else.
Speaker 3:Like I still can't bring myself really if there's anything that's like this is really fashionable, everyone's wearing it. I will absolutely not buy that thing really yeah, I can't do it, that's so good, it's just weird, and so I'm more like that now.
Speaker 2:I almost get annoyed when I find that I like what's current.
Speaker 3:And I'm like damn it.
Speaker 2:Why am I liking it you?
Speaker 3:don't want to fit in that box.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like you know how, flares went out of fashion like quite quickly for a long time and now they're back. I'm always like at first I'm like, oh God, it's so funny that they're back in fashion and now I'm like uh-oh.
Speaker 3:They had a pair. No, I want to know. Everyone's wearing them. I'm like, oh, I'm gonna sell these. What's next to the point that everyone's like she has no style, yeah but it's almost like I.
Speaker 2:It hits me later like it's been in fashion for a while again and it's suddenly I'm like, oh, now I look and I'm like am I that impressionable?
Speaker 3:do I like them or is it because, yeah, exactly that's the identity, worrying 100?
Speaker 2:but that's really funny. You said that you're really proud of being a teacher, and I totally get that it's a very admirable profession, but I do think it's really interesting how we we get so attached to labels.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I've heard I've heard a couple of different people. Um, do this. Bob proctor's one. Funny enough, you just sent me a meditation of his. I fell asleep the other day. I should try it again. I'll do it properly later. Um, but he was talking about identity, and I've heard michael singer talk about it as well. I'll try it with you now. If someone says to you who are you, you would respond with your name yeah, I saw it did you share it on?
Speaker 3:your instagram. Oh, maybe I did. Yeah, I thought I've seen this somewhere. Yeah, yeah and like, and then well, actually no they're just words.
Speaker 2:If you didn't have that name, who would you be?
Speaker 3:yeah, okay, well I'd probably tell you my job.
Speaker 2:Yes, exactly my role. Well, were you always that? Well, no, I used to be a teacher yeah, okay well who are you if it's not? Your job. Who are you if it's not your relationship status? Who are you if it's not your yeah?
Speaker 3:if you're a parent, I'm exactly who are.
Speaker 2:You keep stripping the layers like how long have you got mate?
Speaker 2:yeah, there's a lot of layers but I find that fascinating and that's what I'm actually using, this a lot in meditation at the minute, personally it's. There's one meditation, it's called um, that I made my own as well stop thinking, start being, and it just strips back all the layers and it's you keep, you can just keep going and going, and going and going until you get to that point where it's just you even stripping back the layers of human, which can sound a bit woo woo, and everyone that listens to this isn't, you know, looking for the spiritual path. It's more the high vibe thinking, but it bleeds over a lot into each other and I think there is a part of us deep down that just is, which is unaffected by anything. But we don't know this, we don't know this, we don't remember it, because life has a way of just building these layers upon layers upon layers upon layers around it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you maybe think of children actually, yeah, like the absolute essence of who we are. Yeah, they are so unapologetic like my. My daughter is very unapologetic, but just, I look at her and she were very similar and I think that is probably who I used to be, because she's quite sassy and she's got quite a lot to say and I've always been considered quite a quiet person and a bit of a mouse and I don't think I've ever wanted to be labeled as that. Um, so, yeah, having kids is yeah. Yeah, I was so shy as a kid and then when I?
Speaker 3:tell people they're like what? I was very shy child, um, but I think I was told I was shy because, like, like I said, those points in my life where I felt like I'm being more me, I haven't been shy, I've been quite loud, really. And that's her. I look at her and she is Like she can be shy in front of people, but I'm quite cautious not to label that, because she's also quite bouncy and she sings every day, day, all day she sings and dances and and um yeah, like then life piles the layers on.
Speaker 3:So I feel like this feels like a like a responsibility to not let that happen.
Speaker 2:I love the. I love where we are as parents at this time, the, the awareness that I think we have is much more prevalent than it was so when we were kids. Yeah, and even though, like my mum was incredible, I'm sure your parents were as well, but they did the best with what they had. Yeah, we always are, aren't?
Speaker 2:we I think, but that's I always. Don't you think, like, even though I feel like I'm doing all everything I can with what I have now, but, like in the next generation, what am I doing now? That's going to be wrong, oh yeah my kids will be having therapy going.
Speaker 3:Oh, mum did this and I'm like well, I got this right though, but that one wrong. You can't win them all, can you that's true.
Speaker 2:That's interesting. You say like singing and dancing. I think that's a sign of really happy child, where they're just singing.
Speaker 3:I always think that If one of my kids is singing just without, caring I'm like aw, it's really sweet it is, and they're just being them, yeah, like they're just very comfortable in their skin.
Speaker 2:I wonder when the point was where we lost that.
Speaker 3:I wonder this all the time.
Speaker 2:Do you? Yeah, I think it's really interesting, so I went to. It was years ago. I can't even remember what festival it was. It was a kind of a yoga and wellness festival and I'm really upset that I can't remember the yoga teacher's name. He was incredible and he was a really famous yogi, worked all over the world a lot with kind of um children in deprived countries, and at the end of this class he got us all to stand up. He put on really loud music and for like three minutes you had to close your eyes and dance like no one was watching and in the beginning you felt like, ah, this is ridiculous.
Speaker 2:You're kind of peeking out the corner of your eye. What was everyone else doing when you just lost yourself in it, the feeling of euphoria, like pure ecstasy. It was incredible. I was like we lose this Because my eldest found out about Santa last year. Oh no, really. I've told this on the podcast before. It's such a funny story, but I was in hospital last year with pneumonia just before I got out on Christmas Eve morning, oh no.
Speaker 2:It was awful. I came out so happy to be home for christmas, but I didn't have any of the morphine that I was used to like pleurisy as well, so I was just awful, like so weird. I never really get that ill at all, but we always do. Um, uh, one of us, either myself or my husband, my mum did it for us when we were kids, like at bedtime on christmas eve. We're looking out the window and someone's hiding around the corner ringing some bells, so it sounds like sleigh the sleigh, so like it's so exciting and magical.
Speaker 2:But my eldest, who must have been 10 at the time last year, started going. But you're never together, like just getting skeptical, all right. So I was like, right, I'm gonna one-up you on this one. So I got my sister to do the bell. So both my husband and I were there. But lots of miscommunication. I was just out of hospital, hadn't planned it very well. We're looking out the window. Luckily the younger two are looking up at the sky, but my eldest is looking down.
Speaker 2:I can see my sister crouch behind the car with the bells, ringing bells, and he was like, uh, what's auntie sammy doing over there? I was like, um, she's the slay, she's, yeah, oh bless, that's so cute. But he started saying the other day um, I just think he still feels a bit resentful and disappointed that he's lost that magic. And it was in front of my mum, actually, and she was the one that said this. She said, well, what if he is actually real? And we're just all deadened as adults, like kids see magic that grown-ups don't. What a cute little thing to say. And I was like oh, thanks mum.
Speaker 2:Thanks, mum. Yeah, because I'm always like, oh, we have to create the magic now for the younger ones. We're carrying it on. He's just like yeah, yeah, whatever just still feeling am I still getting my presents? Yeah, I think. But he really felt the loss of it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, really disappointed, I can imagine. I actually remember being told the tooth fairy wasn't real and I was beside myself and made my mum promise that there was no other lies I remember that it's a betrayal isn't it yeah?
Speaker 2:I think it's. Yeah, I remember feeling really like, really angry with my mum, like you've, you've lied to me yeah and it's funny because Josh, exactly what he said to me, he's like you've just been lying to me all this time and I was like um, I know it looks like that, oh no, yeah, it's a really hard one.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I wonder when it is. It's obviously a gradual thing, but I wonder when it starts. When was the first moment that we lost that magic? When our because if you heard the um, the, the studies that they did or they're doing, because they're doing it over a really long period of time they go. It's this organisation that's looking like how to identify geniuses at a young age. So they go in, like at nursery age and at reception, and they all go the way up and at three or four years of age, like 98% of kids all have, they tick all the boxes to be future geniuses of what they all need, right, and obviously just the school, as they move through and get older.
Speaker 2:It just goes down so quickly. So what is it that we lose?
Speaker 3:I don't you know what. When you said when do we lose the magic? I don't think we do lose the magic which is why when you shut your eyes and you could dance. That felt so good Because you can still do it.
Speaker 3:It's just that the judgments and the pressures of what we think other people are going to assume about us isn't there, because, also, I think we're a really like the Western culture is quite bad for it. But I don't think other cultures lose it either quite as much as we do. No, definitely not as much as we do. They have, um, much less innovations maybe, yeah, around how they move and what they do and what they say, and yeah, I don't know I I haven't lived in other countries so I can't like.
Speaker 3:This is a very sweeping statement, but it seems to me like we have a a censorship that we place on. I always think it's a victorian thing, but I just there's no like a factual base for that. Apart from, it just feels like somewhere in history. I feel this point is supported somehow washed people down.
Speaker 2:But yeah, it's funny how you say, victorian, like you know, kids should be seen and not heard kind of stuff. And I think, yeah, I think even now you see it in parenting, when you're walking around you kind of you still see there's a there's, there's a little a burning ember of that kids not being listened to just because they're kids definitely and I think it's a trigger sometimes as well to go I want to respond to my child in this way, but I also think I should be responding in this way because this is what everybody else does, or I what everybody else does, or I think everybody else does.
Speaker 3:We don't actually know any of it.
Speaker 2:I find that really interesting when you were saying earlier, when you were travelling, that that's when you felt like you why?
Speaker 3:I think I've thought about this a lot. I think something's just occurred to me actually, but you just meet people and they are either in your life within, because you want them to be, or, if you don't click, they move on, or you move on and you go in different directions. And I find that really refreshing because I didn't feel tied, I suppose, to who I thought I was supposed to be I could just be whoever I wanted, and if they didn't like me then it didn't matter.
Speaker 3:I think there was a lot of that. I'm coming to realize that more now as I get older.
Speaker 2:That's amazing, you had that kind of realization your 20s, though I always find that at the time, oh no, with hindsight yeah, I was gonna say, because my 20s I felt like I was just walking through life with some really weird glasses on. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3:I didn't have the capability to see beyond no, I don't know if I noticed at the time. I think I just knew that I felt really happy and I was enjoying it and I felt it was just nice to make friendships like really authentic friendships um, that maybe weren't tied to who I thought I was supposed to be. I think yeah, this is making me really think quite a lot deeper. I've got a lot more work to do here. Um yeah, interesting.
Speaker 3:I think conversation should only be deep yeah don't like shallow conversations no, I've had, I've literally had that conversation this morning actually have you yeah that's funny with a client.
Speaker 2:She was like I'm so glad I can come here and we have deep conversations like great, I am too but one thing that I think I know we've both spoken about before, which also came up on Sunday when you came to my event my yoga and sound and cacao I felt called to speak a lot about staying open, open hearted, open minded in life, because we don't realize how much our thoughts are trying to control everything around us, and I'd like to know what you think about this and what you've experienced about letting go of control and how you think life should be, because when we do manage to let go and let go of the how I know letting go of the how spoken a lot about in manifestation you're trying to manifest a goal or something they think just trust is going to happen. Let go of the how, um. But I'm talking a bit deeper here because for me, I had a real journey into manifestation. I think that's what started me off around with the high vibe guide as well.
Speaker 2:When I started this, I had my wake-up call into my mindset needs to change, I need to rewire the way. I think I was really called into manifestation. But I've let go of that Because for me again, even though it's great to have goals, it's great to have something to work towards. Maybe it's because I was still clinging in manifestation, because you have goals To the outcome.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And you can still have the goal and the outcome. But I don't think it. Well, I think this probably was just me. I think the true people that teach manifestation or the gurus, if you like, because I remember they always used to say you have to not care if it happens I was like what's the point in having it then? That's what it felt a little bit like, you know, yeah, but it's almost like I've I've come full circle and I kind of get what they're talking about now, because I can wake up and have a goal for the day or, I know, in my career or my family life, I know how I want it to look.
Speaker 2:But for me it's more powerful because it's if I make it just a feeling yeah, do you know what I mean? I think I've gone off on a tangent from what I originally wanted to talk about, but I will get back there in a minute and in order to get to that point, I stop the manifestation practices about vision boarding and meditating on what I want and imagining I'm having it, what I've done. I feel that I've just surrendered. Yes, I've just surrendered, and that's what I wanted to touch on on Sunday in trying to ignite that kind of feeling of trusting life's flow, because I found greater things happen when I've let go of the assumption that I know what's best for me yeah I agree I haven't I even kind of think.
Speaker 2:I'm just gonna serve what I'm doing right now to the best of my ability, and in service to others as well, because our job, we do that. It's all in service to others. When that's your focus, everything kind of just falls into place. Yeah, more than when I had my own manifestation goals.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, I knew that you would give yourself that thing nodding yes so talk to me about your journey with that as well, I think I still question it sometimes like I think exactly come back to a point where I go. I need to know the how, particularly, I think, in business. Yes, I come back to it quite a lot. Um, I have actually got a coach at the moment who talks about this a lot.
Speaker 1:She's very good at it.
Speaker 3:But for me, moving away from that control means, instead of thinking about the future or thinking about how it went in the past and those experiences, focusing on being present. But again, I find it very difficult to say things that I feel like are being bandied around everywhere, but there is so much value in just literally being here and now and not trying to worry about what's going to happen in the future. I've always been a warrior, and to the point that my friends might say let's go away next, next summer, and I'd go oh, I won't have any money in June, so I won't book it, like I would do it all the time. So I've had to stop myself and go. Do you know what? Let's just, let's just see. Let's just see what happens. Let's just be present right now.
Speaker 3:And and I've been doing in my um client whatsapp group, we're talking about having a calm Christmas. I gave them a few themes to choose from and they chose calm christmas. Um, and it's this beautiful podcast with beth kempton and also k manifested this um. We chose to do the calm christmas.
Speaker 2:I've been recommending her podcast and I won her calm christmas book last week I did really yeah, I was wondering what you'd want, because I saw you posted something about that.
Speaker 3:It's a really gorgeous book about and it is really about being present in Christmas and so sorry to go back like on a bit of a random tangent but you're talking about the magic of Christmas for your children.
Speaker 3:Yes, and I've. I work with women who have children and who don't have children, and we're always under the assumption that it's magical when you're kids. It's magical when you have kids. It's magical when you have kids, but the rest of the time there's no magic. But for me, the magic is in that being really present and turning into whatever you want it to be. So we're not. There's no outcome. There's no, it has to be like this and it has to be like this. It's just, it's a feeling, like you just said. It's a feeling and really grounding into that feeling. Feeling. So I think manifestation is the same like, rather than thinking, I need to have, I need to have this book. I was just like this is going to be really lovely. My clients are going to, in fact, get so much value from this. Um, the feeling of when I get to this place is going to be incredible. Yeah, let the I don't know the universe, wherever you believe in. Yeah, have faith in it to just guide you towards it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I think maybe it's just what I'm going through at the minute. I'm trying to release the ego a lot. I'm really trying to. Just when I feel the ego crop up, like, oh, I like that, I want more of it, or I don't like that, I'm going to push it away. I just I'm really trying to relax into that and just stay open to whatever's in front of me. You know, so, when you're manifesting things like a holiday or a car or a house, it feels like ego again, like identity, identity, what we were just talking about, your self-worth attached to these things, not because of necessarily how it feels when you've got it, because it's status, or you feel you would have gotten to a certain point, I suppose, by achieving this what you're, but then it's determining what your intention is behind it, because you're allowed to have these things as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, 100. This is why I feel like I wasn't quite clicking with manifestation. I just kept having issues with it, but maybe because that's how I was doing it. I was attaching well, it's all ego when I want these things on my vision board. But then there's judgment in that isn't there.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So I think the way it's worked for me is just trusting that. This is how I want to feel in life. I want to feel satisfied, I want to feel content, I want to feel joy and bliss and all these lovely things, and I'm going to give everything I've got to the now and I've kind of just found things keep presenting themselves to me in a way they never would have before. Yeah, because I was, I think, by doing, I think, just for me personally, when I was trying to manifest things in a certain way with a very particular end goal of how it looked visually, um, I was controlling the how. Yeah, I don't think I could. I don't for me, I don't think I could let go of the how with that very visual representation of what the goal.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that makes sense and maybe those other opportunities would have been presented to you just didn't see them.
Speaker 2:Maybe exactly on that one direction, yeah, and maybe next year I'll would have evolved a bit and I will be able to come back. I love vision boarding and I love the whole process of manifestation. I really do. But I yeah, I think I had to do something else to release the ego a little bit. And I've just found, when you surrender to whatever has been putting, whatever is being put in front of you, and just going with it with open-mindedness, you might find, once you're in, like no, this isn't gonna work, but you've, you've opened yourself to it or you've taken something tiny from it. Yeah, it's not the whole concept, but you've taken something from it. I truly believe that you will never take nothing away from any situation.
Speaker 3:I was thinking about this this morning actually. Um, because I I think everything that we do is about the intention that you put into it, and again, I find that it's quite a hard thing to explain. Yeah, but if you, if you have intention to I can't think of a really good example but basically you can never have regrets. If you've gone into something with an intention, you will always take something away from it. Then you don't regret doing that thing, which I had a really good example this morning and I really, but it makes so much sense in my head.
Speaker 2:I know you mean no regret, though, because even things like I look back at things that I've done and said, especially in my 20s, and either things that just make you cringe it's not who you are anymore or I felt I was so lost in my 20s, the things that I did to make myself feel like I was worthy just if my natural, natural inclination when I look back at those things is to kind of go ugh, ugh, but I wouldn't be where I am now without all of those things, you cannot regret any single thing ever, because you were always doing the best that you could with the energy that you had, not.
Speaker 2:Just I find that can be interpreted wrong. When someone says everyone's doing their best, they can in that situation, because sometimes you're not, you can choose to do something. But when you say everyone's doing their best, they can in their situation, with the tools they have and the energy that they have, yeah, I think that makes a difference, because you're kind of like, okay, yeah, because even when I've done things stupid things before, where I can look back and think, well, I wasn't doing the best, yeah, I could because I actively was thinking something negative, but no, I actually was, because energetically and with the tools I had and experience and everything combined, I actually was doing the best that I could, yeah, and it's all gotten me to where I am now so yeah, no regret 100 with everything in life.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but I think that's a hard thing. Is that something that comes with age? Maybe? Maybe I don't know if that was something I ever really got to grips with until I realised that or it's that internal voice, because I was probably judging myself previously, whereas I don't judge myself. Well, I don't judge myself at all. Do I judge myself at all, do I? Judge myself at all. I don't think so, definitely not harshly anymore. Yeah, um, so that allows for that. There's no regret there. There's no.
Speaker 1:Uh, you shouldn't have done this and you should have done it this way and again.
Speaker 3:That's letting go of the control, isn't it?
Speaker 2:yeah, I always finish off these podcast episodes with the question, for anyone that's listening today, what would be your one piece of advice to start living a higher vibrational life, to start feeling more happy, more content, whatever, anything good. But before we get there, what would you say is the biggest part of you that you definitely realize you've had to let go of, to who you are to be who you are today, and what do you feel maybe you need to let go of in the present to be who you want to be in the future?
Speaker 3:god, um, I think I have had to. The biggest thing I've let go of is other people's expectations of me, and I think ultimately that's my own expectations of myself. It's objections.
Speaker 1:Normally it's my own.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but it felt like they were the weight of other people's expectations. But as soon as those expectations have gone and I've learned a bit about my human design. I don't know if that's something you know much about.
Speaker 1:No, but I want to.
Speaker 3:And when I learned that the design that I am, which is a manifesting generator, is supposed to move between things a lot, the view that I had of myself that was quite flaky. I left jobs. I didn't leave jobs, but I changed jobs often. I had different ideas. I didn't always see projects through. I was judging that. That, um, I've been able to like be at peace with that. So I think there was always this assumption that people were thinking certain things of me. Now I've just stopped. I haven't just stopped caring what they think of me, I just don't think they are thinking negative things of me anymore. I don't put assumptions. I guess I don't put words into their, into their mouths, or yeah like.
Speaker 3:I don't assume that they don't like me, I'm gonna assume that they do like me. Instead, it's a quite a different perspective. So getting rid of the the what I people's expectations of me has been huge yeah um, and I actually went to a goal setting event last night and this was a question.
Speaker 3:It was along the lines of this question that she asked, I think, um, there's still a little bit of an issue with being very visible and not being everyone's cup of tea, and I I know that the way I coach isn't for everybody like you said. It wasn't, it wouldn't even be for you 10 years ago, somewhere. That doesn't sit quite right. So there's still, uh, being very grounded in my beliefs, I think.
Speaker 1:I need to.
Speaker 3:I want to, to not care maybe so much, yeah, or just get more grounded in those beliefs and say that I can take it to another level. Um, so maybe they're both the same thing, if I just said the same thing, that they're both like other people's expectations I guess you could say it all comes to the same thing because, everything that we think is external coming in.
Speaker 2:It's all projections of our stuff onto the outside world. I think it's like how we said before, how we used to look at people if they'd put on weight in a bad way, because that's all that was going on with inside us, you know, with inside us, inside us, you know. So I think that's yeah yeah, I.
Speaker 3:Want to be yeah I want to be able to be more visible and comfortable with that.
Speaker 2:It's hard yeah, yeah, that's hard it feels quite vulnerable, but also I'm trying to see it as exciting as well.
Speaker 3:100 because I've got big goals I want to do so I've got to.
Speaker 2:I've got to get used to it but I think it is super hard because we're so like a lot of it just it's all just fear. It's all just fear, and a lot of fear, I think, is tied into how people see us. There's this survival instinct to be accepted isn't there and there's such freedom when you start to let go of that, because you obviously have let go of a lot of it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think it's maybe just a different part of me now that gets to be another layer. Yeah, yeah, probably another layer but I see it as exciting now rather than scary.
Speaker 2:Another fun fact that I love is your brain. The chemicals for excitement and fear, or the parts of the brain that work when we feel excitement, when we feel fear or nervousness, are very similar. That's cool. So the brain can't really tell the difference between the two. So when you feel nervous, tell yourself you feel excited and it's everything shifts.
Speaker 3:Yeah and I guess the brain's like, oh okay, the flipping mindset between victimhood and feeling much more positive. Yeah, maybe that just naturally goes yeah, new opportunities are exciting rather than really really scary.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. But when someone told me that, I was like, oh, that's interesting, yeah, that's really cool. And I tried it and I was like wow, so next time, guys, when you are there feeling really nervous about something, just sit and think I'm so excited for this and you literally go okay, okay, I love that. Yeah, I think it's when it's when you tie things in to how the brain works, the science of it it all.
Speaker 2:It all says the same bloody thing it really does. It really does, and it's so fascinating that it all supports everything. Everything supports everything, whether it's mindset and the science of it, the neuroscience or the spiritual or the, the religion. Even I found that the truth is one path is many. I heard, I heard that, but I was like it's so blooming true, like that it's all coming to the same thing, which is freedom. Freedom from this fear, from this suffering that humans endure yeah, ourselves through it's such a big topic let's ask for another day.
Speaker 2:So, jules, what is your one piece of advice for anyone listening today who was just looking? They've looked at the high vibe guide. They've seen it. Some um me and you chatting today about growth and wanting to be happier, more content, more fulfilled. What's one little nugget? I have a good one do you?
Speaker 3:yeah, it's always my favorite because I'll give a little bit of context. I think the the journey I hate the journey starts when you put yourself first more often and you put yourself at the center of your life, because you actually are the main character of your life. Because you actually are the main character of your life. And someone said I was questioning this in terms of having being a parent and someone said to me but your children are the main characters of their lives.
Speaker 1:They don't have to be the main character of yours and I like that.
Speaker 3:So I think the best way to start putting yourself first is what I said earlier every morning, just ask yourself how am I today and what do I need? And that might be. It might be exercise, it might be a rest, it might be five minutes by yourself or some fresh air, um, but it doesn't have to be a lot, but just tapping into your needs and what you need and being able to do that for yourself is a little gift every day, and I think that's you just start the ball rolling, I love that little gift every day.
Speaker 2:That's so good, but it's so true and it's like it's. I always like it too. Like when you're on an airplane you don't put your oxygen mask. Sorry, you put your oxygen mask on first before your kid.
Speaker 3:I heard a good one, um, where I think about this all the time, and your event that I came to at the weekend definitely did this for me. You don't give. So you have your cup and you fill your cup, you're still not. Don't give from your cup, give from the overflow that spills over into the saucer.
Speaker 2:I've heard that've heard that before. It's so true that one really, really I heard it from Harry Styles oh no, well, that's not magical, it's me, it's me.
Speaker 3:But well, whoever says it is profound. So I loved it.
Speaker 2:Well, Jules, thank you so much for being on the High Five today. Thanks, I've loved it a pleasure until next time, thank you.
Speaker 1:thanks, jules thank you all so much for tuning in. If you enjoyed today's episode, please share with your friends and family to continue spreading that positivity. You can find me on Instagram at thehighvibeguide. Get in touch. I would love to hear from you. Thank you all so much for listening and I'll see you back here next time at the High Vibe Guide.